Coffee, Silence, Pain: How I Became a Black Belt in Networking

Conferences, professional events, internal gatherings – and their essential component, that dreaded or eagerly anticipated part of the agenda: the all-caps Networking. Sounds familiar, right?

There are those who look forward to this moment the most. They prepare who they’ll talk to, what they’ll discuss, what they'll pitch, or who they'll schedule the next coffee with at one of the city's trendy cafés. And then there are the others – in my opinion, the majority – who dread this part of the event. Awkward silences, forced laughter, meaningless conversations. Still, we feel it's necessary. If we’re already there, if the important people are there, we must somehow push ourselves to overcome this hurdle and ultimately strike up conversations with complete strangers, laying it all on the table: who we are, why we're here, and what we want.

If this doesn’t come naturally, it can really cause significant anxiety, robbing us of potentially important and fruitful connections. But why is networking so important in business? We don’t even have a good word for it in Hungarian – at best, we can only describe the activity. Yet we feel and know that building the right relationships can be key to our success. Connecting with the right partner at the right place and time can be worth gold. The good news is, like anything else, it can be learned and even vastly improved. To prove that, let me share my own story of development – which started from a pretty low point. You’re allowed to laugh 🙂

At the start of my career, we frequently visited prestigious Budapest hotels with the aim of being convinced that this was where we should accommodate our even more prestigious international guests. I think it’s clear that in this case, the pressure of networking wasn’t on us, the hotel visitors, but on the other party, who ultimately wanted to sell their services. Pretty straightforward, right? They organized ever more exciting programs to impress us – fine food, even finer drinks, occasionally creative activities (we even baked traditional Christmas beigli once). But then came the moment when the entertainment ended, and over dessert, we actually had to start talking. On one occasion, the hotel representative chose me to approach and, since it was around Easter, asked if I ever paint Easter eggs. I instinctively blurted out a one-word answer: NO. (Even though I actually do.) And just like that, the conversation ended – I had basically killed any chance for that Easter egg conversation to lead to new business or a new connection. I was young and less aware – essentially the embodiment of anti-networking at the time. I simply wasn’t capable of this type of connection.

Things escalated when I had children and became a regular at the playground. Anyone who’s been in this situation knows that there’s no better place to practice networking than a playground. Connecting with strangers over what seems like a single common topic (in this case, parenting) is pure networking, in my opinion. Based on what I’ve said so far, you might guess I wasn’t the neighborhood’s most popular mom – even though I gave it two tries. It just didn’t work because I wasn’t interested. I had my own friends, old connections – I couldn’t see these potential new relationships as opportunities. But I could’ve thought of them as new friendships, sources of information for choosing preschools or schools, parents of potential playmates, etc. At the time, though, I wasn’t that conscious or open yet.

Fast forward a bit, and I became an Employer Branding lead. I loved the field – the energy, the variety – and I quickly realized that the only way to truly excel in this profession was to come out of my shell, arm myself with awareness and openness, and start building my professional network. Not just for personal gain, but out of a genuine desire to connect. That’s when I realized it’s perfectly fine if we seemingly only have one thing in common – maybe it’s the event we’re attending, our profession, or the fact that we both have kids the same age. We’re not trying to make friends – we’re trying to build mutually beneficial connections that can help us in specific topics. They can provide us with information and opportunities, and we can offer our own expertise and connections in return. Of course, that doesn’t make the act of networking any easier – we still need to practice so that one day we become the kind of people who actually look forward to this part of events. I’m living proof that it’s possible and totally worth it. I used to stand alone at events – now, I see familiar faces at every gathering, and sometimes people even approach me first 🙂

Here are three practical tips that helped me:

Start small – start within your company!If you’re not experienced in networking, start internally – within your organization. This way, you’ll already have a strong common ground to start conversations from, and it’ll be easier to find topics that make the interaction valuable for both parties.

It’s not easy for the other person either!I’m convinced that what scares us most is the feeling that we’re the only ones anxious in these situations. Rest assured – we’re not. And those who seem like pros? They were beginners once too 🙂 Don’t be afraid to ask for help, and observe practical tricks from others!

Sometimes, it’s okay to sit one out.There are moments when we just don’t feel the energy or mood, and despite the pressure, we know this isn’t our scene. In those cases, I think it’s worth staying true to ourselves and not forcing something that doesn’t feel authentic. The world won’t collapse if we consciously stay on the sidelines once. But only once – or at least very rarely.

If I managed it, so can you – and I’m happy to tell you what kind of Easter eggs I painted this year 😉