When emotional attachment holds you back: How to free yourself

I believe there are two types of people when it comes to their relationship with their workplace: one type approaches the relationship with work rationally, focusing on what they can gain from the job, position, or company. This means looking at how much they can earn, how much they can learn, and how they can use the experiences gained there. They see work and the workplace as tools. They are always professional and do not strive to build deeper workplace connections; they view their current job as just a station, something they will leave as soon as a better offer comes along. Well, that’s not me. I am the other type. Like in every other aspect of my life, my feelings strongly influence my relationship with work, including a level of loyalty that I experience as emotional attachment. I can say it openly: I am emotionally attached to my workplace, my colleagues, my teammates, and yes, even to all of my past leaders. I don’t need to embark on a deep self-discovery journey to realize this about myself. I am the type of person who has 30-year-long friendships, talks to her mother every day, and struggles terribly with any human relationship breaking down. So why would my relationship with my workplace and the connections I’ve made there be any different? Does it even need to be different?

The answer depends on how much this attachment holds us back from achieving our professional goals. How important is the sense of security that attachment brings, compared to our desire for professional development and the eagerness for new experiences and changes? Not to mention that in a large corporation (and life in general), nothing is permanent except change. So, it is very possible that the relationships we consider important may change overnight due to factors beyond our control: restructuring, downsizing, decisions made by others. Excessive emotional attachment, therefore, is unlikely to be the key to long-term professional success, and this is something even people like me should recognize.

Like most things in life, I think this situation is two-sided, with both pros and cons. I believe the golden middle road should be sought here as well.

Let’s first look at the advantages, which, based on what I’ve already said, are easier for me to outline: Attachment brings security. The basic human desire is to belong somewhere, and I think it’s a wonderful feeling to go to work every day with that sense of belonging. In this sense of security provided by attachment, we can truly be ourselves, showing all aspects of our personality without the need to only present the positive sides. We can be vulnerable. Loyalty, as a value, comes from the way my generation was raised. Our parents were proud if they worked at the same place for their entire lives, feeling respected because of it. We might also feel that if we stay with a job for a long time, we’ll be generally respected.

And now comes the catch, or why we shouldn’t become too attached:

Let’s start with the most obvious: no matter how great the place we work at is, we might lose our job at any time, whether we want to or not. If we are strongly emotionally attached, not only is our livelihood and career in jeopardy, but we’ll also be emotionally hurt. We will experience a series of losses that we could avoid if we establish healthy boundaries between our work and private lives. If we consider our workplace as a home it’s easy to cross fundamental workplace boundaries. Personal and professional relationships start to blur, which can affect our behavior and expressions, and it may negatively impact our professional reputation. It becomes simply harder to act professionally and show all that we are capable of in a professional context. 

The last item on my list is none other than professional advancement, stepping out of the comfort zone, and being open to new situations. For someone who makes decisions based on emotions, it’s extremely difficult to make decisions that are necessary for change, even if it’s in their best interest. In other words, they remain stuck at the same level of the career ladder.

I am still learning how rationality and emotional approaches can coexist. I think it can be inspiring to learn from the stories of those who have been able to cross their own emotional boundaries. Colleagues who, after 20+ years, were able to make a change, self-actualize, or were forced to step out of their comfort zone due to any circumstances. It’s important to recognize that truly important relationships are not position-dependent, and we may actually benefit if we continue on different paths. It may even happen that we can become attached to the new, over time...even if my first pair of Converse is my favorite from 15 years ago, I managed to fall in love with my new shoes... :) What type are you?