Why Do You Feel the Need to Constantly Prove Yourself? And What Happens If You Don’t?

I’d love to ask those who have spent their lives worrying about “What will people think?”—what did they think in the end?

I came across this meme online, and it really resonated with me because it perfectly encapsulates the burden of constantly proving oneself and the deep yearning for validation. This feeling can be so powerful that it holds you captive for a lifetime. And yet, it’s just another barrier that exists only in our minds. In reality, what others think doesn’t matter—except for a selected few whose opinion you truly trust.

The Trap of Seeking Approval

Do you feel like you constantly have to prove yourself? At work, in your family, or even among friends?

It’s as if an invisible judge is watching your every step, deciding whether you’re good enough. Maybe you work day and night just to get recognition for your achievements. Or perhaps you avoid taking risks because you fear failure—and the disappointment it might bring to yourself or others.

But why do we feel this way? And what happens if we simply stop trying to prove ourselves?

For most of my life, I was driven by the need to prove myself. At school, university, work, and even in sports. If I’m being honest, I still feel it today, though I’m trying (with varying degrees of success) to keep it under control. A classic example is my tendency to take on “Mission Impossible” projects. The moment someone says, “That can’t be done,” my brain immediately starts spinning: “But what if it can?”

I know my colleagues don’t always appreciate this attitude—because these ideas usually mean extra work. That’s probably why my ears burn so often. But when we do manage to accomplish the “impossible,” it feels incredibly satisfying. That’s when I lean back in my chair and do a little “I told you so” dance in my head.

The opposite is when we fail to complete a perfectly doable task on time. When progress is needed, but nothing seems to work. Unexpected bugs, sick team members, increasingly impatient clients. There’s no winning in these situations—only damage control. And that’s far from uplifting.

During times like these, even minor inconveniences become frustrating. The kid’s math homework isn’t adding up. My phone slows down just as I need to make an important call. The grocery store line isn’t moving. That’s when it feels like the entire world is conspiring against me.

The Pros and Cons

Now, wanting to meet expectations has both a good and a bad side.

The good? It helps you stand out (for a while). If you’re the best at what’s expected of you, you’ll naturally shine. This can open doors and give you a sense of accomplishment.

That’s about where the positives end.

The trap? More and more will always be expected of you. And eventually, conflicting expectations will start tearing you apart. It’s a cliché, but it’s true: you can’t please everyone. And you don’t have to.

Now, the downsides. That weird sensation when your heart races and your stomach clenches. The nervous habits—biting your nails, drumming your fingers on the table. The sudden craving for chocolate or cookies to feel better.

That’s stress. And if you don’t do something about it, it only intensifies—until you finally realize that you don’t have to prove yourself to everyone.

Because if you spend your life doing what others expect, when do you get to be yourself? When do you take control? When does your creativity get to shine?

There’s another subconscious factor at play: if you always do what others tell you, you avoid responsibility. “Hey, I just followed orders…”

So the real dilemma is this: Do you take responsibility and follow your own heart/mind/intuition/beliefs—in other words, do you take control? Or do you avoid the burden of responsibility and simply do what others expect—in which case, they are in control of you?

How to Change?

Here are five simple steps that can bring significant change:

1. Self-awareness is key. The hardest yet most crucial step is truly understanding yourself. Do you have a chronic need for approval? Observe the situations where you feel compelled to prove yourself.

2. Reevaluate your priorities. What truly matters to you? Defining your own goals helps you focus on what’s important to you, rather than what others expect.

3. Practice saying no. Start saying no—firmly but kindly—to things that don’t serve your goals. It’s liberating and will reduce stress.

4. Take authentic steps. Make decisions based on your own intuition, not others' expectations.

5. See yourself from a different perspective. Focus on your own successes and strengths instead of worrying about what others might think.

These steps won’t change everything overnight, but I’m certain they’ll lead to significant improvement in the short term.

And as a closing thought—or a bonus sixth step—I’d like to quote a classic (from myself :)):

“You don’t have to win a marathon at the beginning.” So take your time, pace yourself, and start working on YOU. 

And since you’ve made it this far, here’s your well-earned reward—I owe you a coffee (or a cookie). Just tell me you’ve read the marathon quote! 😉"